Listen, there is absolutely no denying that if you’re traveling to a festival you’re going to have to use a port-a-potty. Get used to the idea now because when ya gotta go, ya gotta go, and that’s the only (socially acceptable) place for you to do your business. Yes, you can always venture out into the woods and be one with nature while you do your thing, but we do not suggest running the risk of getting arrested for public indecency. Don’t freak out; we are going to give you the perfect port-a-potty survival guide so you can take your level ten freak-out to a solid three. Here are a few things you can do to keep the scaries of using a port-a-potty to a minimum so you can go on your merry way and enjoy the music with your crew.

Mindset is everything

Have you ever given yourself a pep talk? Yes? You’re already a pro. No? Now is the time. That internal monologue is about to be the strongest motivational speaker you’ve ever heard. Remind yourself that you play like a champ. There ain’t nothing stopping you, not even a port-a-potty that’s been frequented by thousands of people you don’t know. Take note of these extremely motivational sentences. Drill them into your brain while you make the walk to do your personal biz:

  • I’m a bad bitch
  • You absolutely got this
  • My squat game is STRONG
  • No, seriously… you got this

Build a survival kit

Now that you’ve got positive thinking down to an absolute science, we’re giving you a list of must-have items that will make your festival bathroom experience easy-peasy. Ready. Set. Go (with the flow). Pun intended.

  • Sanitizing wipes – These are great for cleaning the areas that may or may not touch your body parts in the process of relieving your bladder. Pro tip: You can also use them on your hands after the deed is done.
    • Tissues – Drip drying is NOT a thing. This is an absolute must.
    • Lighting – It’s essential for nighttime potty trips. You can illuminate the way with a light-up necklace or something else that will show you where you are in the port-a-potty, but still keep things dark enough so you don’t freak out. Feeling bold? Bring a headlamp.
    • Beer bong – It may sound strange, but hear me out. You can use the top of a beer bong as a funnel and you can pee standing up. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! No need to sit and no squatting. #win
    • Clothespins – You can use these to hold up your clothes, making sure nothing touches the surrounding areas. You can even pin your romper to the side so you don’t have to get fully naked.

See! It’s not that hard to power through. If you can successfully build a survival kit and boost your self-esteem by giving yourself a killer pep talk, you’ll be aces. Now that the weight has been lifted from your shoulders, it’s time to start planning that killer fit and check out our festival essentials. See you in outer space, festivalistas!