Plus size model Ashley Alexiss has curves for days, so it’s no wonder she’s all about Valentine’s Day lingerie. We caught up with her during a recent Spencer’s lingerie photo shoot to talk about how to dress up in a super sexy way for Valentine’s Day 2020, how to surprise your partner with lingerie, lingerie parties and how women can go after what they want in bed.
Ashley Alexiss in a black plus size lace strappy corset and g string panties
Spencer’s: What kinds of lingerie do you recommend for Valentine’s Day, or is just wearing lingerie in and of itself a good idea for Valentine’s Day?
Ashley Alexiss: Valentine’s Day is always really special because I feel like a lot of people, myself included, believe that it’s all about the men giving something to women. Okay, yeah, I don’t mind, but a woman, what you can do is dress up in some cute lingerie for your guy and that’s a present all on its own. What guy is going to say no to that? And having some cute lingerie like a nice teddy that goes with your curves, it’s skintight, it flows with your body, those are some of my favorites for Valentine’s Day because those are usually all lace; nice red lace is awesome.
Spencer’s: What’s the best way to show off your new Valentine’s Day lingerie and surprise your partner? Do you wear it under your clothes or do you slip into it?
Ashley Alexiss: This is something I’ve thought about a lot, because I don’t really understand how people wear lingerie under their clothes without people seeing it. I have huge boobs so I have to have a huge cut of lingerie or I have to wear something that’s supportive, otherwise I have Snoopy boobs, and that’s just not cute. Obviously the things I like are lacy, and you can see that under the clothes I’m wearing, so I don’t understand. Do I just need a big running jacket?
I feel like in the movies they just show it as I’m going to wear this super sexy outfit, and I’m going to rip it off and it’s going to be so presentable. That’s not accurate. That’s not how it works. What I personally do is we’ll go out to a nice dinner, and when you get home, take a little bit of time to pee and then slip into something. This is where simplicity comes in. You can slip into a nice quick teddy; it takes you all of 30 seconds. You can walk out looking like the snack that you are.
Ashley Alexiss in a pink plus size lace teddy and cuff set with pants.
Spencer’s: Obviously red lingerie is a staple of Valentine’s Day. Do you have any suggestions for how to branch out from red?
Ashley Alexiss: I think for Valentine’s Day, everyone obviously associates it with red, but sometimes you can obviously make it a little bit like a surprise. Everyone expects red. You can throw black in there, or pink, or hell, you can throw blue in there if you want to. If that’s the color that makes you feel good, then just because it’s Valentine’s Day doesn’t make it wrong. It makes it different, and it makes it a surprise. Sometimes a surprise can be super sexy for your partner.
Spencer’s: What about pairing lingerie with a shirt like you’re doing or a jacket or jeans…do you think lingerie is better on its own, or can lingerie be combined with other types of clothing?
Ashley Alexiss: My personal style opinion is I don’t like to pair lingerie with clothes just because it’s hard for me to be free in lingerie because I am so chesty, and I don’t want to start giving people a free show. But I have definitely seen a lot of women pair a nice sexy teddy with a pair of high-waisted jeans and a leather jacket or a crop top, or having a little lace or pairing some garters and lace stockings with a short skirt. All these things are super sexy and definitely like I said before, if it makes you feel good, wear it; if it doesn’t, don’t feel like you’re obligated to. My main message is just to follow the beat of your own drum. Whatever makes you feel confident, do it, regardless of any rules that anybody tries to tell you.
Spencer’s: What do you think of lingerie parties?
Ashley Alexiss: Going to a lingerie party, that’s definitely where a woman can be most vulnerable, especially a plus size woman, just because you are literally in something that it probably took a lot of confidence to get into, and then, not just sharing it with someone you spend your time with, but also other people. But I think you can also utilize it as, if you see other people who are similar to your size and body type, and they’re also in lingerie, they can almost bring you up.
Spencer’s: You’ve been married for a little over a year, and together much longer. How do you and Travis celebrate Valentine’s Day as a couple?
Ashley Alexiss: My husband and I have been married for a little over a year and we have been on and off again for eight years, so our whole twenties we’ve been together. It’s been interesting to see how we have adjusted to sharing Valentine’s Day as we get older. I think now it’s more important to share some intimate time rather than when we were younger, it was just fun. When you’re young, you don’t really care.
Now it’s about trying to keep the spark going. Sure, we’ve only been married a little over a year, but we’ve been together for eight years. That’s important to remember. We’ve done all the stuff we can do as a couple. So now it’s about surprising each other and Valentine’s Day is a really good time to narrow down what you want to tap into, whether it be lingerie they wouldn’t expect you to wear.
Ashley Alexiss in a black plus size lace up bodysuit holding a paddle
For instance, with my husband and I, it’s a little bit of a struggle, because I’m a lingerie model, and I model for most brands, therefore he sees me in just about everything, and knows that everybody else does too. It becomes a little bit of a challenge, because I obviously want to wear something for him that no one else has seen me in. That’s really important. I’ll take the effort so this way it’s just for him and it’s special. Obviously not everyone is a lingerie model, but it’s all about the effort that you put in, and Valentine’s Day, that’s the importance of it. It doesn’t matter the money you spend, it doesn’t matter the gifts, it’s about effort and going just a certain length so your partner knows…especially a certain length to have a special intimate moment I think is really, really, really important. It’s a memory, and it’s something that no amount of money can take away.
Ashley Alexiss in a black plus size lace chemise set with cuffs
Spencer’s: Do you know what you’re doing for Valentine’s Day 2020?
Ashley Alexiss: Travis and I really like to go somewhere for Valentine’s Day. For special occasions, we definitely try and travel. Each year, we’ve done new things. We’ve gone to new countries and both of us get that same stamp [on our passports] together. It’s our first time exploring there. We both get to see the reactions of one another of seeing these new things, experiencing new cultures. I know that sounds kind of lame to some people, but that’s also a sexy intimate way to share something with someone. It’s all about sharing that sexy intimate moment with someone; it doesn’t always have to be about the bedroom. It can be about just spending a certain time, whether it be on Valentine’s Day, and doing something entirely different than you do on every other day of the year, such as going away. Even if it’s just for a weekend, and you take a two-hour drive and spend some time at a hotel. Treat each other. There’s all these different things you can tie into Valentine’s Day. A lot of people think it’s just about sex, it’s just about being sexy and yes, that can be part of it but I think it’s also about sharing a new experience together.
Spencer’s: What’s your best Valentine’s Day memory?
Ashley Alexiss: Last year was one of our best Valentine’s Day experiences because we actually went to the Maldives, which was where he proposed. It was awesome to know that the last time we had been there he proposed and then we were going there for our honeymoon, so it was also special to know that the next time we’d be there would be as husband and wife. So it had this special significance to it. I know that’s kind of silly, but as a girl I love that stuff. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy and gives me butterflies. Plus the Maldives is one of the most romantic places on earth.
Ashley Alexiss in a pink plus size lace teddy and cuff set
Spencer’s: You talked earlier about keeping that spark alive. Do you have any advice for newlyweds on how to keep their relationship in the honeymoon phase?
Ashley Alexiss: When you get married, nothing, but everything, changes. I know that that sounds really strange. Nothing changed other than my last name, but you also have to realize that this is your person that you’re spending every day with. There’s really no surprises anymore. Everything kind of becomes a little bit of a routine, especially with my husband and I. We’re workaholics right now. We’re want to bust our asses and work hard so that we can enjoy it with our future family.
My husband and I make it important to each other to never stop dating. That just means take time for you. Some couples think that once a week is when you take time to go on a date. We don’t really have the time to do that so we do it once a month and we make it an all night thing. We work until four or five and then at six o’clock, we stop looking at our phones and do something fun, like go to the movies or an escape room. We do all these fun things together. There’s obviously other little things you can do for each other.
For instance, this morning I left before him. I was able to kiss him goodbye. I left him a little note at the coffeemaker that said “I love you more.” That’s our little thing together. It’s special little things to just remind each other even though you’re married, you’re never taking that person for granted. I think that’s a big thing because when you’re married you have that comfort of knowing, Listen, you ain’t going anywhere. You are mine. But at the end of the day, I also want to know my partner is in a happy marriage and by showing effort—it all comes back to the effort. It doesn’t matter how much money you spend on the person, it’s the importance and significance of the things you do for each other. Like our simple thing of “I love you more.” It’s inscribed on our wedding bands. It’s something we always do.
He woke up this morning and his wife wasn’t there, he couldn’t kiss me goodbye like he always does, but then he walked downstairs and when he got his cup of coffee, he was reminded, “I love you more.” It’s something so small but has such a big impact. It started his day off properly, and I think that if you do that with your partner, especially in a marriage, it also leads to a good sex life because you stay happy and when you stay happy, you’re easily turned on, rather than when you’re stressed out.
Ashley Alexiss in a sexy red lace plus size bodysuit
Spencer’s: How can women go after what they want in the bedroom?
Ashley Alexiss: Women can go after what they want in the bedroom by asking. Literally. Men are up for anything; they’re up for things you didn’t know were possible. Just ask. I know sometimes it’s a little awkward to say, “Hey, let’s try this,” but I’m telling you, men are always thinking it. Men are thinking even the things you think are outrageous—they’ve thought of it. There is nothing that goes through a man’s mind that you’re going to shock them. More likely, he’s thinking, Oh wow, she actually wants to try that?
Especially with your partner. That’s the person you should be most comfortable with, and when it’s an intimate situation you should be open to have that conversation because that allows you to have a more intimate relationship. It allows you to actually be comfortable and relaxed, which is really important, especially when you’re married. It’s important to have that conversation, it’s important to have that communication, and it’s important that you’re able to feel confident about being open about things that you want.
Even if you don’t like it, at least you tried it. Even you find out it’s not really for you. It’s just a simple ask and I think that, like I said, if your partner doesn’t support it, throw the whole partner away. They shouldn’t make you feel bad about asking. Maybe they don’t want to try it but at least you’re open enough to have that conversation.
Ashley Alexiss in a black plus size lace up bodysuit
Shop for your own sexy lingerie (or to give as a gift) and plus-size lingerie right here at Spencer’s for a hot Valentine’s Day 2020!
